Deafblind Episcopalian: May 2006

Oh for some easy air! at 3am in the Morning

I have asthma. Now, that in its self is not unusual, but as a deafblind person when I have an attack I wonder if anyone is paying attention. Then in my struggle I can feel my wife hands as they touch me and let me know that even in my struggle I'm not alone. Now I've been blessed to have been married to a beautiful Christian woman for 37 years. and in that time she has been my helpmate in all of our ups and downs. What is a wife? Well, my wife,Carol. is the blessing I was given by God in my youth. I'm not sure she would call me a blessing, but she's mine. Often I have people ask me how am I doing. I find myself looking to her and saying because of her love and support I'm fine. Together we face the world. So what lesson is God teaching me about trusting him. Yeah, I know your asking yourself where did that come from. I believe that God allows to know people who influence us to understand about his love for us. And for me, God has let me know what he's like through the actions of my wife. See, she really cares. As a teacher for 37 years in a classrom with elementary children I watched her struggle to reach each child. To teach them the way of hope amd excitement. As she raised our daughter she read with her and became her confidant. She is Kim's best friend as well as her mom. But then there's me. I guess I'm pretty trying, for I'm the one who bought a horse when we couldn't afford it, and the one who had to be convinced to go back to school to and finish my degree so I would settle down. She listended to my dreams and seldom told me they were not feasable. She is steadfast, strong, and loving. I've really challenged her.... but even then she has a calm steady touch that somehow just cuts through the mess and let me konw that she is here. To know her is to know the calm reassuring hand of God. Her gift to our marriage is to let me know that if my wife can love me in all the trouble I've caused her how much more can God love me.She and He give me a chance to get my breath.

To set an Example

Often in my life I've been asked to set an example. Most of the time I've been somewhat able to but sometimes it just doesn't seem to take. But I know I should be that kind of person, so I'll try today to set one. As we get older in life we expect people to prepare for life when it ends, prepare for your last event here on earth, your funeral. Like most of us I haven't done that. Why? Just lazy or maybe not wanting to think of what will happen to me when I die. Today however its time to face my indecision. My funeral: So what do I say about my funeral. Well, I want to be cremated, placed in a urn and interred in the columbarium at St. John's in Norman. The columbarium is on the Gospel side of the church. I would really like to have a service on a Sunday morning when all my friends could worship with me the joy of Eucharist. Maybe, I might, be able to pre- pick the offeratory hymn. Other than that I can't think of anything special I want. I feel assured that each time my family comes to church and has eucharist I'll be tere to share it with them. No longer deafblind but able to "see" . Amen P.S. The celebrant might tell a joke during the service.

Long Nights

Since I've begun losing my vision I've discovered that I enjoy darkness more. Maybe its because it tends to set me on equal footing with other people or it could be that I enjoy the solitude that comes from closing my eyes and being alone with God. I reallyhaven't explored being alone much. When I was a young man I spent time alone in my pursuit of hunting or fishing and didn't seem to need to be around people so much. But as I got older and discovered a calling to serve people I found myself dreading times when all was quiet. For those of you who know me that explains why I seldom allow conversation to stop for quiet reminds me of what I've lost. Sound allows us to "feel" the presence of people around us. The loss of sound bothered me greatly. So I am surprised to discover that the loss of sight does not affect me as much. Could it be that the loss of vision allows me to "feel" the nearness of God? I was told by a friend that as my sight goes I will eventuall begin to "feel" when ever I come close to an inantimate object but could it be that the loss of sight and sound allows me to "feel" the presence of God in a real sense. I think I 'm finally beginning to understand the words "Be still and know that I am God." Well so much for my first inSight post.