Deafblind Episcopalian

August 14
Times I forget how to title.

Somehow my typing skills are giving me problems or maybe its just my thinking skills. Iforget to title waht I'm writing, silly of me. It just sometimes feels like losing my sight makes me forget to do basic thngs like put headins and titles. I type now using a keyboard that is in braille. I never learned to type, I just hunt and peck. Now it just so much slower. Any way I poster earlier about the heat and what I've learned this summer. I am slowly learning braille ( grade 1 ). sometimes I seem to be making great progress and then at other times I struggle to understand a phrase because I'm trying to connect the letters into one word. Reading is just not like that. So I'm slow. I feel like I'm back in grade school. Most kids start at 6, I'm starting over at 59.I wont be 60 until the 15th of next month. Wonder if I'm just to young to catch on quickly and when I actually turn 60 it will be easy. Just have to wait and see.

Deafblind Episcopalian: Deafblind Episcopalian: May 2006

Its hot in August in Oklahoma. I've learned so much since losing most of my sight. I am feeling more. Wind, sun, presence of people. I never noticed before that when we come into a physical nearness with another person there is an awarness of their presence. People seem to emmit some form of spirit that is tangible if we try to feel it. Its different for each person. Some presences are light and some are heavy and the size of the person sometime belies the size of the presence. With some people you can be near them and a feeling of well being just flows from them. Its very peaceful. Others present a feeling of confusion or distraction. Its not somethin you can hear its just something you feel.
My Doctor's told me to find a way to eliminate stress in my life. That's hard to do when you can not see or hear. But ocasionaslly, I have times that cause me to feel a since of peace and well being. Wonder what people feel like when it is cool? If I wait a bit, I'll soon know.

Oh! Now I'm both blind and Wet!

Before I lost my sight I made a fish pond in the backyard. It's shallow in one end thak goodness. Its amazing how well as a sighted person I was knowledgeable about how my backyard was put together. I planted every plant and flowerebed. I drfew up plans , was careful when and what I planted to make sure it had visual effect. I guess its great? My friends and family come over and tell me how restful it is with the shrubs, flowers, pond , waterfall, fish and tortoises. But now for me the garden is changed. it all about smells and tectures. And I've discovered that its not safe to walk without a cane for assistance. I know , I've visited the fish on at least two occasions, much to their surprise and mine. I find myself spending time out there anyway tring to get to kow my way around and I've discovered something. I need assistance. Well I've got a new cane and that helps some, but the wind readjusts the seating often and so I sit closer to the ground more. My view of this world has changed. Now it'st not about what I see and hear but about smell and touch. I think we've kid of missed that a Christians. We spen a lot of time looking for problems and hearing the complaints of our parishoners when what they really need is some on to just sit down with them and physically and spirituall touch them. Then maybe together when we find the peace with in us we'll be able to smell to wonders ofGod in this world. I think He must smell like........ flowers.

Oh Happy Day!

Today was an exciting Sunday. At the principle service on this wonderful day of Pentecost we had a wedding. Chris Brown our Sexton married Pam Wilson our Christian Education minister. After the service, the church threw them a huge potluck with a beautiful wedding cake and we all celebrated the union of this wonderful couple. This is the conclusion of a great story. A number of years ago Pam was married to a wonderful man who eventually died of cancer. At the time of his death I was their son's fifth grade teacher. So she was left a young widow to raise two sons. She is an educator and has always been interested in Christian educational ministry. So it was with great pleasure when she was hired by our church as the Christian education minister. Sometime later a young man and his wife joined our church. She sang in the choir and because of his gifts with repair and other abilities, we asked him to become our Sexton, and he agreed. He and his wife had a daughter and a son. Much to the distress of our congregation his wife was taken to the hospital and died. It was a horrible event that devastated he and his children. After her funeral he agreed to stay on as our Sexton. And I can tell you he is a gift to us. Imagine , I bet you see what's going to happen. Chris and Pam end up working closely together and over a number of years find themselves in love. When Chris proposed and Pam accepted the church was thrilled. We, the Church, spent much time and joy planning for today. So today is truly a Pentecost for the Spirit of God has filled this place and a new being was formed, Mr. And Mrs. , Chris and Pam Brown. One soul in God's sight. What God has joined together let no one cut asunder. Amen.

Oh for some easy air! at 3am in the Morning

I have asthma. Now, that in its self is not unusual, but as a deafblind person when I have an attack I wonder if anyone is paying attention. Then in my struggle I can feel my wife hands as they touch me and let me know that even in my struggle I'm not alone. Now I've been blessed to have been married to a beautiful Christian woman for 37 years. and in that time she has been my helpmate in all of our ups and downs. What is a wife? Well, my wife,Carol. is the blessing I was given by God in my youth. I'm not sure she would call me a blessing, but she's mine. Often I have people ask me how am I doing. I find myself looking to her and saying because of her love and support I'm fine. Together we face the world. So what lesson is God teaching me about trusting him. Yeah, I know your asking yourself where did that come from. I believe that God allows to know people who influence us to understand about his love for us. And for me, God has let me know what he's like through the actions of my wife. See, she really cares. As a teacher for 37 years in a classrom with elementary children I watched her struggle to reach each child. To teach them the way of hope amd excitement. As she raised our daughter she read with her and became her confidant. She is Kim's best friend as well as her mom. But then there's me. I guess I'm pretty trying, for I'm the one who bought a horse when we couldn't afford it, and the one who had to be convinced to go back to school to and finish my degree so I would settle down. She listended to my dreams and seldom told me they were not feasable. She is steadfast, strong, and loving. I've really challenged her.... but even then she has a calm steady touch that somehow just cuts through the mess and let me konw that she is here. To know her is to know the calm reassuring hand of God. Her gift to our marriage is to let me know that if my wife can love me in all the trouble I've caused her how much more can God love me.She and He give me a chance to get my breath.

To set an Example

Often in my life I've been asked to set an example. Most of the time I've been somewhat able to but sometimes it just doesn't seem to take. But I know I should be that kind of person, so I'll try today to set one. As we get older in life we expect people to prepare for life when it ends, prepare for your last event here on earth, your funeral. Like most of us I haven't done that. Why? Just lazy or maybe not wanting to think of what will happen to me when I die. Today however its time to face my indecision. My funeral: So what do I say about my funeral. Well, I want to be cremated, placed in a urn and interred in the columbarium at St. John's in Norman. The columbarium is on the Gospel side of the church. I would really like to have a service on a Sunday morning when all my friends could worship with me the joy of Eucharist. Maybe, I might, be able to pre- pick the offeratory hymn. Other than that I can't think of anything special I want. I feel assured that each time my family comes to church and has eucharist I'll be tere to share it with them. No longer deafblind but able to "see" . Amen P.S. The celebrant might tell a joke during the service.

Long Nights

Since I've begun losing my vision I've discovered that I enjoy darkness more. Maybe its because it tends to set me on equal footing with other people or it could be that I enjoy the solitude that comes from closing my eyes and being alone with God. I reallyhaven't explored being alone much. When I was a young man I spent time alone in my pursuit of hunting or fishing and didn't seem to need to be around people so much. But as I got older and discovered a calling to serve people I found myself dreading times when all was quiet. For those of you who know me that explains why I seldom allow conversation to stop for quiet reminds me of what I've lost. Sound allows us to "feel" the presence of people around us. The loss of sound bothered me greatly. So I am surprised to discover that the loss of sight does not affect me as much. Could it be that the loss of vision allows me to "feel" the nearness of God? I was told by a friend that as my sight goes I will eventuall begin to "feel" when ever I come close to an inantimate object but could it be that the loss of sight and sound allows me to "feel" the presence of God in a real sense. I think I 'm finally beginning to understand the words "Be still and know that I am God." Well so much for my first inSight post.